haunted past

I don’t remember everything. I constantly ask myself, why can’t I remember?  There are pieces of my life that are a blur and there are pieces of my past that haunt me like a ghost.  Some of my friends say it’s selective memory, I only remember the things I want to remember.  If that’s true, why do I remember so many bad times?

I remember my fifth grade play. I was a popcorn vendor in Ciro’s Circus.  I remember my costume and I remember the song we sang and when it was over, I remember him telling me how awful I was.

I remember turning fifteen. We were going out to dinner to celebrate.  I remember him being late and showing up drunk.  And I can remember the embarrassment I felt when he passed out in the booth before our food even made it to the table.

I remember how he would yell at her. I remember she would cry.  I remember how it made me feel scared and helpless.

I remember how his friends were always around. I remember how they would leer at me when I’d walk by and I remember the times I was unable to walk by untouched.

I remember the house, dark and gloomy. It was never a home.

I don’t remember love.

The ghosts of my past haunt me, but they do not control me. I will focus on the positive, I will focus on the happy memories that I’ve made with the ones I love.  I will continue to make memories for them, so that when they grow up, they will not be haunted by their past.

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2 thoughts on “haunted past

  1. ” I will continue to make memories for them, so that when they grow up, they will not be haunted by their past.” – These are inspiring words. Thank you! I’m looking forward to your upcoming posts.

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