growing up mommy (pt. 5):

via Daily Prompt: Expert

…continued from growing up mommy (pt. 4)

A little about my oldest…

He was a momma’s boy. We are talking about his bio mom.  When we won custody of them, we picked them up on a Sunday night.  We got home and I began to cook dinner.  He was helping me in the kitchen and just out of the blue, he said, “I really wanted to live with momma.”  I told him I understood and I knew this must be hard for him.  But I assured him that his mother would always be a part of his life.  Then he told me that she sat all three of them down and said that since they were living with me, they could call me momma if they wanted to.  He told me that he’d never feel comfortable calling me that.  My first thought was, how could a mother tell her kids it’s ok to call another woman that and my second thought was disappointment that he wouldn’t feel comfortable calling me that.  Again, this was a new experience for me.  I was definitely not an expert on the emotions of children.  Boy was I going to learn!  Right off the bat, the other two were “momma this and momma that…”  I have to admit, I liked it.

We got engaged and then it happened…

About a year after the kids moved in, their father proposed to me. I remember my oldest saying that maybe when we got married, he might be ok calling me momma.  I really think that up until I had an engagement ring on my finger, he had hopes that his mother and father would get back together.  That didn’t bother me.  I mean, it’s normal for kids to want their parents together, but I think he realized it wasn’t going to happen when we got engaged.  So a couple of months later, we were sitting down to dinner.  It was his turn to say the blessing.  I can still remember the words… Dear God, thank you for this food and thank you for my family, please bless daddy and momma and my brother and sister.  Amen.  I am not sure I would have questioned it and fortunately, I didn’t have to. When he was done, he looked at me and said, “Did you hear what I said?”  I responded with a yes and he replied, “I was talking about you, momma.”  I have to admit, I got a little emotional.  Actually, after I hugged him and told him I loved him,  I went straight to my bedroom and cried like a baby.  It was a big step for him for so many reasons.

He now knows where we stand…

I know he was afraid that he was betraying his biological mom, even though she told him it was ok. This is why I never pushed him regarding his feelings for me.  I just hoped that one day he would realize that I loved him and wanted what was best for him.  Through a lot of years and a lot of ups and downs, he knows exactly how I feel today.  He is my son and nothing will ever change that.

We have such an amazing relationship…


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