I’ll admit, I’m struggling with a few things right now. Trust would be a major one. Not all of my current friendships have the aromatic of truth to them. As a matter of fact, something smells rotten in the state of Denmark…
Maybe my trust radar is off; I am going through a lot right now. But, if something feels wrong, it usually is. I’ll be completely honest. I feel like I’m being used. I feel like someone is only pursuing a friendship for what information I can provide to them and what things I can help them with. I believe they are using me to further their own agenda.
What makes me think this? The questions they ask when we speak and/or text. It generally starts off as an innocent conversation, but once we settle into a more comfortable flow, the questions start. Maybe I am reading more into it; however, this person has given me reason not to trust them in the past. I thought that issue was resolved, but apparently not.
There is also the fact that I believe this person has lied to me outright. Have you ever heard the saying, “If they will talk to you about others, they will talk to others about you”? I know this person has other “fake” friendships because she talks to me about other friends she’s supposed to be close to. When I ask if she has said anything to anyone about our conversations, she has said no. I know that is a lie. I’ve been told what has been said by her to other parties. Did I believe them at first? No; but they were able to provide information that they would have only been able to find out from her.
Now I am not saying I am perfect. I admit, I’ve done my fair share of gossiping, and it’s not something I am proud of; but if a friend is a true friend, I wouldn’t say anything about them that I wouldn’t say to their face. I know there is a difference between friends and acquaintances. Maybe I should put her in the acquaintance category until I know that I can trust her again. Maybe I should just end contact all together.
Decisions, decisions… the struggle is real, especially when feelings are involved.