D*I*V*O*R*C*E

Once upon a time; long, long ago… lived a beautiful princess. And that’s about where the fairy tale ends.

I was married once before. I was nineteen years old, young and stupid. I actually thought I was in love. In truth, I believe I was more in love with the idea of being in love. We had a big wedding, four hundred or so guests. A reception that would have been fit for a king. It was a day long event that started with beauty appointments and brunch and ended with dancing the night away. There I was, in my beautifully long, flowing, white dress. All eyes were on me; I was lavished with attention and I just ate it up. I savored the sweet, flavorful taste, that lasted about twelve hours.

And then the party was over and real life set in.

for_better_or_for_worse_by_northgeorgiatattoos-d5u2ko8

I’m not going to go into great detail about the problems in my first marriage that ultimately led to my divorce. I will say that I tried to make it work, for four long years, I tried. I didn’t believe in divorce, until it became a reality.

I tried ‘playing the field,’ but that just wasn’t me. I wasn’t the dating type. I was the girlfriend type. So, for the next eleven years, I was in three long-term relationships. I just couldn’t seriously consider marriage again and the reason will probably surprise you. When I would think about getting married, my thoughts would always lead to a) if it doesn’t work out, there’s always divorce and b) it’s so easy to get divorced. There it is, the sad truth and it’s still sad today.

divorce

Our society has made it so easy to get divorced. From easyfastdivorce.com to one day divorce or separation by phone 1-877-***-****. Of course, when I got divorced almost twenty years ago, it was a little more difficult. It only cost $325.00 and took six months (only because that was the law of the state). The thought process being that if you waited six months, you might change your mind. It didn’t work on me. Now that waiting period is no longer mandatory. In my state, your divorce can be granted within twenty days after filing. Yep, that’s the problem with society today. Sin is so easily acceptable and therefore so readily available.

Whatever happened to ’til death do us part?’ I understand that, in certain circumstances, divorce is necessary. What I don’t understand is how people place such a small value on the vows that they make to each other. Look, I know I once broke my vows too. My only excuse is that I was young and I don’t think I truly understood what I was vowing to do, but I learned from that mistake. I didn’t get married again until I understood that it meant forever. Divorce is not an option for me. Unfortunately, there are those that feel it is an easy fix for their marriage. As soon as things get a little tough, it’s easier to run than to fight for the relationship.

Look, I don’t know the ins and outs of everyone’s marriage. All I’m saying is that I wish people would think before they get married and think twice before they consider divorce. When two people break up, they are not the only two people that their divorce affects.

divorce-effects-children

 

 

 

search me: the runner

Retreat, run away; that’s always been my modus operandi! It seems to work for me, until it doesn’t.

Running away from problems seems to be what I do best. It usually works for a while. Sometimes the problems catch up with me and other times, they just disappear. I definitely like when the latter happens.

Everyone knows, by now, that I didn’t have the best childhood. I once told my father that I didn’t like the fact that he drank all the time. He walked to the refrigerator, took out a beer, popped the top, took a long swig, looked at me and said, “It helps me relax.” I honestly believe that is when I realized that sharing my opinions was useless. Due to the things going on at my house, I moved out and got my own apartment two months after my eighteenth birthday. I didn’t eliminate the problems at home, I just left them there and retreated to a place where I didn’t have to deal with them.

A few years later, I learned some personal information (maybe one day I’ll share) regarding my family. I brought it up to my mother one day when we were on the phone. She refused to acknowledge the issue and hung up on me. Because this information also involved her siblings, she confronted them and everything got blown up. For a couple of weeks, my phone rang non stop, people yelling and accusing others of things. This is the second event that made me realized that facing the problem and trying to solve it was pointless. About a month later, I moved to a new city. Yes, I left my hometown and moved away because I couldn’t handle all of the drama. I didn’t speak to my mother’s side of the family for about fifteen years. We have since reconciled, thanks to Facebook and unfortunately, my grandmother’s death. But the issues between myself and my immediate family are still not solved. Without involving my mother’s family this time, I once again brought up the problems from my childhood to my parents. And, once again, things did not go well. They do not want to face the issues or try to resolve them and I’m not sure that we could at this point. I have not spoken to them since.

My first marriage, that was something. My husband wanted to be married, but live like he was single. Separate bank accounts; his stuff, my stuff, etc. When I tried to explain how that made me feel, he didn’t care. Needless to say, I did finally run away from that situation too; I got divorced.

Looking back, I guess my M.O. wasn’t always to run. I did speak my mind and share my opinions. I guess I only ran when that didn’t work.

With a more recent situation, however, I did just cut ties and run. Maybe it’s because the relationship I had with this person was never a close one. I’d say we were more acquaintances that have mutual friends. But, when things got tough there too, I just removed myself from the situation without saying anything to the person. Maybe, I learned that confronting someone doesn’t always go my way. Maybe, it was because I didn’t want to create more conflict. I really don’t know why I didn’t say something. After all, the Bible says that if a brother sins against you, go and tell him. I guess that would have been the Christian way to handle it. Perhaps, I just thought it was beyond help by the time it had gotten to a certain point. Since this person is still in my life due to the mutual friends we share, I am sure we will eventually have to work it out. I believe it would be easier if I knew why this person did what they did. Aha! How am I supposed to know if I don’t go to them and ask? And if I explain to them that I feel what they did was wrong? What is the worse thing that could happen? Definitely something to think and pray about.

I guess maybe it’s time to stop running or ignoring the problems and start facing them.

#theChristianlifeisnteasy #prayforme #heregoesnothin

via Daily Prompt: Retreat

a fishing date

Last night, my husband and I went on a dinner date. We headed to our favorite Japanese restaurant for sushi and steak and shrimp hibachi. It was absolutely delicious. Not to mention, the company was divine!

After dinner, we headed over to Walmart for a little shopping. Now, when we go shopping, I mean I get what we need while my husband spends his time in the sports and fishing aisles. By the time I was finished and we met up for checkout, my hubby had a new rod and reel in his hand. “Let’s go fishing tomorrow,” he said. Great idea, I thought! I love fishing!

How ironic, this morning I woke up and as usual, checked my email before doing anything else. What did I see? Today’s Daily Prompt: Fishing!  I literally laughed out loud.

Anyways, we spent the day out the dock fishing. It was a beautiful, sunny day for December. Hard to believe, it was eighty degrees. Hot is an understatement. I actually got a sunburn. We didn’t catch much, just a few small fish that we threw back. We were getting ready to leave when my husband reeled in a seventeen inch red bass. Only one inch short of the legal size to keep. It loved how excited my husband was that he caught the fish, but he was bummed to have to let it go. We stayed another couple of hours with just a few more bites but no keepers. Still, it was a great day.

A little advice for my married readers. Never stop dating. Just because you’re married doesn’t mean that you should stop doing all the things that you did before you had that legal piece of paper. Spend time together, talk to each other and enjoy each other. After all, you’re going to be together forever, love every moment!

“A wife of noble character, who can find?  She is worth far more than rubies.” – Proverbs 31:10

“Wives, submit yourself to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.” – Ephesians 5:22

via Daily Prompt: Fishing